Have you ever been in a conversation where you felt truly heard and understood? It’s a great feeling, isn’t it? Now, imagine being the person who makes others feel that way. The secret to building strong connections lies in talking in terms of the other person’s interests. When you tailor conversations to their passions, you show that you care, and you create a space where meaningful dialogue can happen. Let’s explore why this approach works and how you can use it to improve your conversations.
First, let’s talk about why focusing on the other person’s interests is so powerful. People naturally enjoy talking about what they love—whether it’s their hobbies, work, or personal experiences. When you show genuine interest in these topics, you make the other person feel valued and appreciated. This builds trust and rapport, which are the foundation of any strong relationship. Plus, when someone feels understood, they’re more likely to open up and share more with you.
So, how do you start a conversation that revolves around the other person’s interests? It begins with listening. Pay attention to what they say and look for clues about what excites them. For example, if someone mentions they love cooking, you might ask, “What’s your favorite dish to make?” or “How did you get into cooking?” These questions show that you’re interested in their passion and give them a chance to share something meaningful.
Another key to tailoring conversations is asking open-ended questions. These are questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead, they encourage the other person to elaborate and share more about their thoughts and experiences. For example, instead of asking, “Do you like traveling?” you could ask, “What’s the most memorable place you’ve ever visited?” Open-ended questions keep the conversation flowing and give you more opportunities to connect.
It’s also important to do your homework. If you know you’re going to meet someone, take a few minutes to learn about their interests beforehand. For example, if you’re meeting a colleague who’s passionate about photography, you could read up on the latest camera technology or famous photographers. This doesn’t mean you have to become an expert—just having a basic understanding can help you ask informed questions and show that you care.
While it’s great to focus on the other person’s interests, it’s also important to be authentic. Don’t pretend to be interested in something just to impress someone. People can usually tell when you’re not being genuine, and it can come across as insincere. Instead, focus on finding common ground. Even if you don’t share the same passion, you can still appreciate their enthusiasm and learn something new. For example, if someone loves a sport you don’t follow, you might say, “That’s really interesting. What do you enjoy most about it?”
Another way to tailor conversations is to use their language. Pay attention to the words and phrases they use, and try to incorporate them into your responses. This creates a sense of familiarity and makes the conversation feel more natural. For example, if someone describes their job as “creative problem-solving,” you might use that phrase when discussing their work. This shows that you’re listening and that you understand their perspective.
Body language also plays a big role in making conversations feel personal and engaging. Maintain eye contact, nod to show you’re listening, and lean in slightly to show interest. These small gestures can make a big difference in how the other person feels during the conversation. Avoid distractions, like checking your phone or looking around the room, as this can make it seem like you’re not fully present.
One of the biggest benefits of talking in terms of the other person’s interests is that it helps you build deeper connections. When people feel understood and appreciated, they’re more likely to trust you and want to spend time with you. This is especially important in professional settings, where strong relationships can lead to collaboration, mentorship, and career growth. But it’s just as valuable in personal relationships, where it can strengthen friendships and bring people closer together.
Of course, conversations are a two-way street. While it’s important to focus on the other person’s interests, don’t forget to share a bit about yourself too. This creates balance and helps the other person get to know you better. For example, if someone is talking about their love of hiking, you might share a story about a time you went on a hike or express your interest in trying it. This keeps the conversation reciprocal and engaging.
It’s also worth noting that tailoring conversations to someone’s interests doesn’t mean you have to avoid difficult topics. If there’s something important you need to discuss, you can still approach it in a way that shows respect and understanding. For example, if you need to give feedback, you might start by acknowledging their strengths and then gently address the issue. This makes the conversation feel more constructive and less confrontational.
Finally, remember that practice makes perfect. The more you focus on the other person’s interests, the more natural it will feel. Over time, you’ll get better at picking up on cues, asking the right questions, and creating meaningful connections. And the more you do it, the more you’ll notice how much people appreciate being heard and understood.
Talking in terms of the other person’s interests is a simple but powerful way to build stronger, more meaningful connections. By listening, asking open-ended questions, and showing genuine interest, you can create conversations that leave a lasting impression. Whether you’re at work, with friends, or meeting someone new, this approach helps you connect on a deeper level and shows that you value the other person. So, the next time you’re in a conversation, try focusing on what matters to them—you might be surprised at how much it enriches your interactions.
